Still here!

Well, it turns out deployment can completely turn your head. I'm still here and still fighting the good fight, now 1/3 left!

I was working for a few months and that seemed to really take over my life. Grocery shopping and eating were more of a struggle then I recall them ever being before. Then they said that they wanted me to give them even more time and I balked. And then I called some people and figured out that they were under paying me AND failing to make other legal financial obligations and so I decided that I was over it. I wasn't really even liking the work and decided that the enormous stress and anxiety were not worth being underpaid etc. So I left at the end of my contract.

That takes me to now. Basically. There were some interesting things and trips in between like a wedding, bridal shower, and bachelorette party (all the fun, none of the responsibility!), visits with friends, visits from family, a trip to the zoo, some football games, and a new deployment GF.

But before you think that deployment is all glamour, I should say that most of my nights are spent watching obscene amounts of television because it's the least painful way to quickly get through an entire evening. I go out and do something less than 1 night a week, and now that I'm doing my thing from home, that means pretty minimal human contract. Try to imagine only talking to another person, face-to-face, for an hour a week. I have a love hate relationship with my computer because it's my main outlet to the outside world but it refuses to satisfy my desires or even engage with me. I carry my phone with me pretty much everywhere. No good reason since the BF has never called without a heads up at least a day in advance, but just in case.... of...something? Every single time it beeps, my heart races because it might finally be an email from him. On a good day, like where I already checked his email and know that he isn't in the middle of writing anything so it can't possibly be him that caused my phone to chirp, I can wait about 5 minutes before I check just to be sure. I am a slave to my phone.

Basically, it sucks. I can think of nothing to recommend it. And at the end, I'm going to look back and I'm going to wonder what the hell did I do for an entire half of a year of my life. I can't seem to stop, but once I can, I'm going to be really pissed that I spent the entire time just waiting for him to come back. Try to imagine being 8 years old and starting your Christmas countdown/preparations on May 25th. You can miss out on so much other great stuff because all you can think about is Christmas. Not to mention, it's exhausting to be waiting that eagerly for that long.

The one good thing that came of all this is that decided to start running a few weeks ago and I'm not in week 4 of C25k. This is the farthest I've ever gotten in the past because it involves running for 5 minutes consecutively. I can do it on the treadmill, but I'm scared to try on surface streets since they are so damn hilly. Also because I take the Deen with me and she is not doing a lot better when it comes to other dogs. If I'm completely spent after 5 minutes (3 was pushing it if I was going up hill just last week!), and she sees another dog, I don't know that I can control her. But I feel bad about not exercising her with the runs and because I want to get her stamina up too for longer runs, so she needs C25k too. Anyway, that's the dilemma.

Please comment or do something so I know if people are reading this. I don't want to keep writing if I'm just talking to myself...