Well, it turns out deployment can completely turn your head. I'm still here and still fighting the good fight, now 1/3 left!
I was working for a few months and that seemed to really take over my life. Grocery shopping and eating were more of a struggle then I recall them ever being before. Then they said that they wanted me to give them even more time and I balked. And then I called some people and figured out that they were under paying me AND failing to make other legal financial obligations and so I decided that I was over it. I wasn't really even liking the work and decided that the enormous stress and anxiety were not worth being underpaid etc. So I left at the end of my contract.
That takes me to now. Basically. There were some interesting things and trips in between like a wedding, bridal shower, and bachelorette party (all the fun, none of the responsibility!), visits with friends, visits from family, a trip to the zoo, some football games, and a new deployment GF.
But before you think that deployment is all glamour, I should say that most of my nights are spent watching obscene amounts of television because it's the least painful way to quickly get through an entire evening. I go out and do something less than 1 night a week, and now that I'm doing my thing from home, that means pretty minimal human contract. Try to imagine only talking to another person, face-to-face, for an hour a week. I have a love hate relationship with my computer because it's my main outlet to the outside world but it refuses to satisfy my desires or even engage with me. I carry my phone with me pretty much everywhere. No good reason since the BF has never called without a heads up at least a day in advance, but just in case.... of...something? Every single time it beeps, my heart races because it might finally be an email from him. On a good day, like where I already checked his email and know that he isn't in the middle of writing anything so it can't possibly be him that caused my phone to chirp, I can wait about 5 minutes before I check just to be sure. I am a slave to my phone.
Basically, it sucks. I can think of nothing to recommend it. And at the end, I'm going to look back and I'm going to wonder what the hell did I do for an entire half of a year of my life. I can't seem to stop, but once I can, I'm going to be really pissed that I spent the entire time just waiting for him to come back. Try to imagine being 8 years old and starting your Christmas countdown/preparations on May 25th. You can miss out on so much other great stuff because all you can think about is Christmas. Not to mention, it's exhausting to be waiting that eagerly for that long.
The one good thing that came of all this is that decided to start running a few weeks ago and I'm not in week 4 of C25k. This is the farthest I've ever gotten in the past because it involves running for 5 minutes consecutively. I can do it on the treadmill, but I'm scared to try on surface streets since they are so damn hilly. Also because I take the Deen with me and she is not doing a lot better when it comes to other dogs. If I'm completely spent after 5 minutes (3 was pushing it if I was going up hill just last week!), and she sees another dog, I don't know that I can control her. But I feel bad about not exercising her with the runs and because I want to get her stamina up too for longer runs, so she needs C25k too. Anyway, that's the dilemma.
Please comment or do something so I know if people are reading this. I don't want to keep writing if I'm just talking to myself...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
SOTD
I know it's not the day for Song of the Day, but I just need to share this. Tonight's going to be rough.
PS. Please excuse any typos. I'm typing a finger down so everything is shifted weirdly. More on that later.
PS. Please excuse any typos. I'm typing a finger down so everything is shifted weirdly. More on that later.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
I'm alive
It's actually good that I haven't been writing here much because I've been busy with house guests and getting things ready with the BF (yay! he's finally home for much cuddling and cherishing).
It also means that nothing has gone terribly wrong (knock on wood).
I do have a few updates and will try to get those out to you in a few days. Maybe a poll to see what people want to see the most of??
It also means that nothing has gone terribly wrong (knock on wood).
I do have a few updates and will try to get those out to you in a few days. Maybe a poll to see what people want to see the most of??
Monday, July 18, 2011
For one weekend-I was a working girl
I was so excited too! I felt empowered, like a contributing member of society. I was going to be earning my keep! I was making plans for the dog and for the money and for the company. It was heaven. I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.
*crash*burn*bang*
It all started the day that the BF left for training for 6 weeks (boo, hiss). That afternoon, I got a phone call from a company that I had applied to a full month before and had been really excited to work for. Since I haven't heard anything for a month and their CL ad came down, I figured that chance was over. But no! She called, had an impromptu interview on the phone (not a fan of surprise interviews, especially when you've forgotten what the job posting said). Decided to have a formal interview the next week.
The formal interview went great! It was a bit odd at times, but I figured it was just the chaos of a start-up/working mom. Most importantly, we seemed to click; it was a great, great position for me with lots of intangibles; and I was stoked. She said that if I wanted it, the job was mine at $13/hr (although she had to check with her partner). That, btw, is 26,000 annual before taxes. Average salary for entry level marketing is 39,000+ in this area (for my edu and work experience), which is $18.75/hr. I know it's a competitive job market and I know they are a start-up, but that was still a pretty low ball offer. Especially since they are almost two years old, have 7-10 employees already, and have seen huge sales growth. There is a brand new, baby, untested start-up, and then there is a young company. This was the latter.
Anyway, I got the formal (if you could call an email that) offer on Thursday afternoon. It was for $12/hr for 10hr/wk for the first month/trial period. Then it could be raised to $13/hr. And they wanted me to start on Tuesday (yep, in 3 business days).
Here is what I thought about the offer: they want to feel like they didn't give the house away in the interview. Since the one partner had offered $13 on the fly (I don't think they had a number in mind beforehand), I think they felt like I had them at a disadvantage and they wanted to take some control back. It's hard to think of another explanation for wanting to save $40 in salary, unless their financial picture wasn't as solid as I was led to believe. Or I guess they could have wanted to motivate me through the trial period by giving it a lower wage, but honestly, having a permanent and soon-to-be full time job would have been motivation enough.
Now, I'm a smart girl, who went to a very good school, and has a business degree. My school also makes damn sure that you 1) know your worth and 2) know how to ask for it (or at least that you should). $12 was less than our verbal agreement, and way less than the competing $17 offer that I told her about (less attractive for other reasons). So I responded to express my disappointment that they weren't able to offer the $13 we had discussed and that I would much prefer to start there, but if $12 is what was feasible for them, then I could work with it. I also asked that we set a particular project for the 40 hours of the trial period so that I would have something concrete to show for my time and not a bunch of little things. Also that there would be goals/metrics associated with that project to make sure that we were all on the same page and so they could use that as way to evaluate my trial period.
Finally, I suggested that the title of Marketing Associate would be a better description of the responsibilities than "Social Media Assistant." Considering that it would involve designing and implementing campaigns, researching other brands, researching customers, and just generally drumming up sales (with or without Facebook and Twitter), I thought that was reasonable. And, most importantly, free for them to do since they knew they were under-paying me.
Their response:
I don't know. Maybe I came on too strong? Maybe they just weren't ready to hire someone not from the neighborhood? And what is with the exclamation point?? It kinda says, "we like you a lot, but we just don't want you."
Mostly, I feel like a dodged a bullet. The job could have been incredible, but you never are really sure about the people that you are going to be working with. And now I know. Now I know that they don't take kindly to being... challenged? Never mind that they opened up the possibility for negotiation by making a lower offer than our verbal agreement. Pot and kettle, you know?
So now I will not be joining the work force, at least not for a little while (part time contract work and unpaid internships aside). But since it's because I won't be working for people who get huffy enough to fire you when you advocate for your own needs (nicely), I'd say it's a good deal. It's a shame though. They should have realized that the more things like titles that they give me, the more invested I am in the company, and more invested I am, the more I want it to succeed. It could have been a good deal for all of us.
Instead, I got to daydream about a job for an entire weekend.
*crash*burn*bang*
It all started the day that the BF left for training for 6 weeks (boo, hiss). That afternoon, I got a phone call from a company that I had applied to a full month before and had been really excited to work for. Since I haven't heard anything for a month and their CL ad came down, I figured that chance was over. But no! She called, had an impromptu interview on the phone (not a fan of surprise interviews, especially when you've forgotten what the job posting said). Decided to have a formal interview the next week.
The formal interview went great! It was a bit odd at times, but I figured it was just the chaos of a start-up/working mom. Most importantly, we seemed to click; it was a great, great position for me with lots of intangibles; and I was stoked. She said that if I wanted it, the job was mine at $13/hr (although she had to check with her partner). That, btw, is 26,000 annual before taxes. Average salary for entry level marketing is 39,000+ in this area (for my edu and work experience), which is $18.75/hr. I know it's a competitive job market and I know they are a start-up, but that was still a pretty low ball offer. Especially since they are almost two years old, have 7-10 employees already, and have seen huge sales growth. There is a brand new, baby, untested start-up, and then there is a young company. This was the latter.
Anyway, I got the formal (if you could call an email that) offer on Thursday afternoon. It was for $12/hr for 10hr/wk for the first month/trial period. Then it could be raised to $13/hr. And they wanted me to start on Tuesday (yep, in 3 business days).
Here is what I thought about the offer: they want to feel like they didn't give the house away in the interview. Since the one partner had offered $13 on the fly (I don't think they had a number in mind beforehand), I think they felt like I had them at a disadvantage and they wanted to take some control back. It's hard to think of another explanation for wanting to save $40 in salary, unless their financial picture wasn't as solid as I was led to believe. Or I guess they could have wanted to motivate me through the trial period by giving it a lower wage, but honestly, having a permanent and soon-to-be full time job would have been motivation enough.
Now, I'm a smart girl, who went to a very good school, and has a business degree. My school also makes damn sure that you 1) know your worth and 2) know how to ask for it (or at least that you should). $12 was less than our verbal agreement, and way less than the competing $17 offer that I told her about (less attractive for other reasons). So I responded to express my disappointment that they weren't able to offer the $13 we had discussed and that I would much prefer to start there, but if $12 is what was feasible for them, then I could work with it. I also asked that we set a particular project for the 40 hours of the trial period so that I would have something concrete to show for my time and not a bunch of little things. Also that there would be goals/metrics associated with that project to make sure that we were all on the same page and so they could use that as way to evaluate my trial period.
Finally, I suggested that the title of Marketing Associate would be a better description of the responsibilities than "Social Media Assistant." Considering that it would involve designing and implementing campaigns, researching other brands, researching customers, and just generally drumming up sales (with or without Facebook and Twitter), I thought that was reasonable. And, most importantly, free for them to do since they knew they were under-paying me.
Their response:
After reviewing your email, we have decided that we aren't open to negotiations. We have reconsidered our offer of employment to you.
We wish you much luck in your future endeavors!
I don't know. Maybe I came on too strong? Maybe they just weren't ready to hire someone not from the neighborhood? And what is with the exclamation point?? It kinda says, "we like you a lot, but we just don't want you."
Mostly, I feel like a dodged a bullet. The job could have been incredible, but you never are really sure about the people that you are going to be working with. And now I know. Now I know that they don't take kindly to being... challenged? Never mind that they opened up the possibility for negotiation by making a lower offer than our verbal agreement. Pot and kettle, you know?
So now I will not be joining the work force, at least not for a little while (part time contract work and unpaid internships aside). But since it's because I won't be working for people who get huffy enough to fire you when you advocate for your own needs (nicely), I'd say it's a good deal. It's a shame though. They should have realized that the more things like titles that they give me, the more invested I am in the company, and more invested I am, the more I want it to succeed. It could have been a good deal for all of us.
Instead, I got to daydream about a job for an entire weekend.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Help please!
I just received a rather upsetting message that said that I wasn't allowed to join the wives-of-the-unit Facebook profile where they plan social activities but also share information about what is going on with the unit (like troop movement!). I was fairly certain that I was going to be excluded from this too, but the FRO said to my not-husband that I just had to be on the MOL and he seemed miffed at me for feeling excluded by the group and taking a slightly victimized attitude towards it. Now, this is all hearsay and the BF tends to not always be the most careful with his word choice or remember exactly what he said, but that was what was reported to me. So after the conversation, I applied for a "friendship" (oh FB, what have you done to our vocabulary?).
This is what I received this morning:
This is my reply that I haven't sent yet:
I did have something in there about DADT being completely repealed recently and asking what they planned to do about THOSE significant others without a marriage license, but decided that I didn't need to trivialize a fight for civil rights by comparing it to my situation. Also that mentioning DADT probably won't endear me to "admin."
So please, please, please--tell me what you think! My people are in deserts and planes and I'm not sure who to ask for advice on this one and I'm pretty upset about it (about to start my third cry) because it seems so stupid and cruel to make my life just a little bit harder because we aren't married.
And to the Battalion Commander: It's a little inconsiderate to tell us not to get married before the deployment or allow the USMC to dictate our status, and then allow your FRO and other representatives to discriminate against me for following that advice. Also, this might be a contributing factor to the quickie and quickly failed marriages in the unit.
This is what I received this morning:
Amanda,Is it just me or is the "Best of luck to you," a little snotty? Like something out of Mean Girls. "Yea, you aren't cool enough to sit at our lunch table so never talk to us again. Goodbye."
Unfortunately we cannot accept your friend request at this time. The FRO has verified that you are not a Bastard Wife (yet), and said for you to email or call him if anything has changed. I understand you are very supportive of your Marine and am sorry we have to keep these rules. Best of luck to you,
Admin
This is my reply that I haven't sent yet:
That is interesting because he told my not-husband that anyone who was on the MOL was allowed to join and seemed upset that I would feel excluded for some reason. I wouldn't have sent the friend request if he hadn't said that.Is that okay? Keep in mind that I don't know who the admin for the site is (and she clearly didn't want to tell me since she signed the note "admin"). Which brings up another point about how I can't trust anyone else in the Battalion now because I'm paranoid that they are the person who told me to 'go away.' Great.
I can accept being excluded from the social activities, although it DOES make it a little hard to fulfill the FRO's suggestion to have 5 friends in the battalion that you can call on to support you when things go wrong. Maybe girlfriends never experience family illness, cars breaking down, or the death or injury of their Marine? That would be nice, but I don't think that Murphy cares if you are married or not.
So the "finding support from people going through the same thing" is out. But, I guess it's your prerogative who you socialize with and under what conditions.
My concern is that you seem to be posting important information about the Battalion on the profile page; for example, movements related to the FEX III. This is information that is necessary for me in the same way that it is necessary for you--to make sure I'm available to pick him up instead of being out of town for the weekend (which I had planned to be but fortunately had already canceled), to do whatever cleaning and preparations I put off, and to have the peace of mind that he's coming home early. I'm not saying these are vital reasons, but they are the exact same reasons that a wife would want to know and if they are good enough for you, then I don't see why they aren't good enough for me.
I accept that your/Dan's decision is final, but please keep in mind that I too am sending a loved one off to war, that I too am trying to keep the home fire burning and the ship on course without the help of my partner, and I too am all alone in a new city--only I don't have the support of the (almost) fellow-wives that I heard was so crucial to a successful deployment.
I'm just sorry that those aren't the qualifications you are looking for.
I did have something in there about DADT being completely repealed recently and asking what they planned to do about THOSE significant others without a marriage license, but decided that I didn't need to trivialize a fight for civil rights by comparing it to my situation. Also that mentioning DADT probably won't endear me to "admin."
So please, please, please--tell me what you think! My people are in deserts and planes and I'm not sure who to ask for advice on this one and I'm pretty upset about it (about to start my third cry) because it seems so stupid and cruel to make my life just a little bit harder because we aren't married.
And to the Battalion Commander: It's a little inconsiderate to tell us not to get married before the deployment or allow the USMC to dictate our status, and then allow your FRO and other representatives to discriminate against me for following that advice. Also, this might be a contributing factor to the quickie and quickly failed marriages in the unit.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Why I love San Clemente Pt1
The farmers' market...
Two corn and a head of cauliflower...................... $3.50
1.5lbs of yellow (not official name) cherries................. $5
(.5lb was free because it was the end of the day!)
Super juicy little plums (Gape?) ............................ $2
(and a free one for tasting)
And some very pretty red/purple sunflowers that are refusing to join us on the internet. Lame.
What do you love about your town?
(.5lb was free because it was the end of the day!)
(and a free one for tasting)
And some very pretty red/purple sunflowers that are refusing to join us on the internet. Lame.
What do you love about your town?
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