It's funny how life works

I guess I've owed this thing an update for a while now. I'm going to number it, which I know is lazy writing, but at this point I think it best to get it out and then worry about making it pretty.

1. The part-time converting to full-time job that I had a few months ago completely disappeared. I'm not sure what happened, but I was having a really hard time getting in touch with my employer and now I don't know what the status is. He said they are working on development, but I'm not sure if he plans to keep me on board in a few months when they are ready to do more marketing. If not, then I lost a very crucial part of my network.

2. On the other hand, I want to be working full-time (or something close to it) before his project would be ready to go. So I decided it was time to start looking for work locally. I found one job that was too good to be true, and I didn't even get a phone call. Come to think of it, I found out a few weeks ago that they had hired someone, but I still haven't received any sort of official notification which is incredibly rude, especially considering that they have an HR department whose job is to hire (or not hire, in my case) employees. I hate that. I hate that about the job market--that employers don't need to sell themselves anymore so they also got rid of consideration and common decency. I've applied to couple of other things with no response what-so-ever. It's exasperating and disheartening.

3. I do have two part-time things lined up though, so not all is lost. One is doing marketing (as an unpaid intern) for a law firm, but since it's lots of SEO and web presence development, I'm not too concerned about the lack of pay. The other is freelance writing for a job board for diversity candidates. All in all, it's a lot more writing than I've done in a long time, so I'm hoping that my sporadic blog posts kept me fresh enough to pull it off. Also that by stating with my blog in the AM, I can get a flow going for writing the other things.

4. I mentioned previously that I had a new idea for a start-up. First, let me clarify and say that I'm not giving up on my old idea, I just need to gain a few more skills before I'm ready to tackle something like that full time. Although now that I think about, I guess I've been very private about that idea, so you don't actually know what I'm talking about. I want to start an online retail store that sells home goods designed and created by military and veteran hobbyists. I need to do a feasibility plan for it (how much it would cost versus how much my potential sales are) but I'm completely lost on how to get that data and it seems so daunting the more I put it off. Also, I since I can't even get up the courage to talk to my own dad about selling some of his iron pieces, I'm a little lacking on merchandisers.

However, the new idea is a lot easier. It's starting a local social media marketing firm. We have so many shops and restaurants around here that could use some serious tweaking of their social media plans/efforts and it gives me a lot of energy to think of everything I could offer. I still need to run some numbers, figure out what the costs v profits could be, etc. but I think this could be a winner. Not the least of which is because the craigslist ad that inspired me to think of this was advertising that they could set up Twitter and Facebook for a company for only $850. Does that seem steep to you? It seems ridiculous to me. But also like there is a lot of money to be made here.

So things I need to do: find a graphic designer/co-founder (I need someone to keep me motivated); do some feasibility research; talk to the local chamber of commerce to get more information on the businesses here; ??write a business plan??; figure out what to offer in each marketing package; put together a formal presentation; develop a kick-a marketing plan for my company; research local businesses to create a sales pitch; implement.

It's scary but exciting!

Just to clarify, an actual business plan is mostly financial projections and broad stroke marketing (as in, look! There really is a market for my thingamajig!). You use it to illustrate the money making potential of your business to banks and interested investors. Since I'm not planning on using either of those sources of cash, a proper business plan is really just a time suck. Not to be mention a little hard since the projections are all estimates based off other estimates which come from industry standards which themselves are averages. It's like building a business on jello--it might be where you say it is, but there's a heck of a lot of wiggle room. Also jello falls apart easily and leaves stains, so I don't mess with jello.

What I would need is a detailed outline of my marketing strategy, my products, and any processes I want to put in place (bookkeeping, sales, website administration, division of responsibilities, etc.). That, I will do for sure, but probably not a "real" business plan. We're shoestringing it here, people!

5. On a more personal note, the BF is doing some of those several week long trainings in preparation for his fast approaching deployment to Afghanistan. I kinda feel like he already left. Or more like this is the beginning of the long and tumultuous journey known as a deployment. In the 3 months (ish--I don't post dates) he has left, he'll be around for about 4 weeks. And by around, I mean working late hours, taking phone calls all night when he does get home, trying to fall asleep at 9, and being grumpy when I try to get him to stay up for a little while so we can have some time together. Not to mention, all the INSANE amounts of paperwork that we have to do to get ready for this thing. He's going to love that.

By the way, if you are ever faced with the decision to move with a boyfriend who is about to deploy, I'm not sure that I would recommend it. To the Marine Corps girlfriends are invisible, or even worse--suspect, . Everyone is pretty sure that the only way to keep a woman from stealing your money and running away with another man is to marry her, because otherwise we'll just run wild as soon as the guys leave. And because no wives have ever done that. Right?

Seriously though, you'll be excluded from a lot of things because you aren't married. And you'll have to work extra hard to predict any potential crises so that you can get all the paperwork pre-set-up to take care of it. There is no fall back position of any significance to give you the authority to do anything on behalf of your guy. Like pay the rent, the bills, or pick up something that he needs from the PX. In fact, sometimes I think it would be easier to describe myself as a concerned/caring friend who is just trying to help out, because girlfriends are considered more likely to screw the guy over.  This is how it is going to feel to be life partner when DADT is repealed.

It's kinda like this:

As a GF, I have none of the rights or privileges, and we get no extra benefits. However, I have all of the stress and worry during deployment, all the responsibility to keep our household running, the limited career opportunities that come from moving with your significant other, and everything else that comes with being with someone in the military. And on top of that, I'm ostracized and have to lie about our relationship status (or at least let people think what they think) in order to get any consideration from some of the spouses. I can't attend wife functions; I can't get on base to attend company functions; we had to make special exemptions to get me on the notification list in case something should happen to him.

Maybe I'm biased, but I'd say you have to respect a girl who loves her man enough to hang on despite being invisible and insignificant to everyone else on base. Especially when all they are missing is a set of rings and a piece of paper.
 Written as a comment on SpouseBuzz

Now, I'm not saying that the military should change all of it's rules and let the latest flavor of the week make the notification list, but if you have a category for "adopted step-granddaughter," then it shouldn't be too hard to list "non-married significant other." Because it's ridiculous that I could love a man, have a house, a family (a dog, but you know it counts), and a life with him, and have to wait for his mom to remember to call me to let me know if he's hurt or killed.

That's my worst fear--that I won't know that I lost my love.

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You can see what this deployment has done to my head. I'm anticipating a lot of day-to-day grief and possibly the big grief. Joy.

To be fair, there are plus sides to living near the base and living with the BF. One is that I do get to see him everyday which is a lot more than I'd get to see him if I was back home. Those two hours before bed when we are on the couch and cuddling are probably worth everything else. There is also the chance to find a battle buddy and make friends with other SOs in the unit. It would be unfair to let you think that everyone I met is disparaging of our relationship when some people have been really great and inclusive. It's more the establishment which can occasionally trickle down to the personal. Plus, it's a military friendly area which I assume will make a big difference when I inevitably break down crying in some public place. Plus, I really like it here; I like my new business idea; I like having a place that is OUR home.

I'm just staring down the "extra special lonely" and starting to freak out.